The Secret Rules We Set for Ourselves (And How They Hold Us Back)

Ever told yourself, “It doesn’t count unless it’s perfect”? Or maybe:

“It’s not a real run if it’s under 20 minutes.”

“It’s not a whole-food meal if I didn’t make everything from scratch.”

“It’s not a real workout unless I walk at least 30 minutes.”

We all have these secret rules—unwritten expectations we create and hold ourselves to. They’re rarely logical, often rigid, and surprisingly powerful. We don’t remember when or why we set them, but we follow them religiously. And worst of all? We use them against ourselves.

Where Do These Rules Come From?

These self-imposed rules usually start with good intentions. You wanted to build a habit, be disciplined, or push yourself. But at some point, the rule stopped helping and started limiting you instead. Instead of motivating you, it became another way to feel like you’re falling short.

Think about it, if you only have 15 minutes to run, but your rule says “It doesn’t count unless it’s 20,” what do you do? You skip it. If you don’t have time to make homemade hummus, you tell yourself your “healthy meal” isn’t valid. The result? You do less, not more.

How These Rules Work Against Us

These rules don’t just add pressure—they create an all-or-nothing mindset. They convince us that if we can’t do something fully or perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all. But that’s a lie.

● A 10-minute run is still a run.

● A meal with mostly whole foods is still nourishing.

● A 5-minute walk is better than none at all.

When we break these invisible rules, we don’t actually fail—we free ourselves.

How to Overcome Self-Imposed Rules:

1. Identify the Rule: The next time you feel resistance, pause and ask: What rule am I following right now? Is it actually true, or just a made-up standard?

2. Challenge It: What if you changed the rule? What if a run of any length counts? What if eating mostly healthy is enough? What if progress, no matter how small, is still progress?

3. Create a New Standard: Instead of rigid rules, try flexible guidelines:

○ Any movement is better than none.

○ A balanced meal doesn’t have to be 100% homemade.

○ Done is better than perfect.

Letting Go of Perfectionism

The best part of breaking these rules? You start showing up more. You move your body without guilt. You eat in a way that fuels you, not stresses you out. You allow yourself to be human. Breaking free from self-imposed rules isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about making them realistic. When you stop letting these invisible barriers dictate your actions, you end up being more satisfied with your efforts instead of judging harshly how you are doing.

What secret rules have you set for yourself? I’m really curious so email me here if you feel called to. And more importantly, please mention if they are helping you, or just holding you back.

Xoxo,

Busra

If this resonated with you, imagine how much insight we could unlock in a coaching session.

Let’s challenge these hidden rules together—reach out here!